An evening of "theater" - Grade School style

Tonight I was invited to see my niece in a school play. It was a Grade School Production of the "Three Little Pigs" and "The Wizard of Oz" stories. In one hour. My niece informed me her role was that of the "Hip Hop" Munchkin. Interesting, I don't recall that role in the Judy Garland version. I went anyway.

An audience made up of assorted relatives and friends all settled in their seats (in the cafeteria) and the curtain opened:

Ok, so I realize that the arts budgets for schools is non existent, so I kinda expected the paper trees and backdrop. Then some kids in black file out onstage, and they are to represent houses and walls...I think:
Ok, I am open to new interpretations of old stories. Then things get all weird. Mama Bear from "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" shows up, and interrupts the story:

I can barely hear the kids from my seat, but I get the gist that all these characters from different stories are going to be showing up, but then the actors in black come back and sit on the stage silently.

Finally, the wolf from the Three Little Pigs story shows up, but then so does the Troll from the Three Billie Goats Gruff story, followed shortly thereafter by the three billy goats themselves.
The niece and nephews around me started looking at me for explanations, of which I had none. I leaned over to my mother and said I was going to fake some kind of attack to get out of here. She wanted in on the ruse. Then I remembered, my niece had yet to appear in her part.
Ahhh, the first act ends, and there are sighs of relief (and some anxious laughter of what is to come) all around. Children are getting restless, and lets just not say what the adults were thinking at this point. A short five minute break and the curtain opens again (dear god)...

Well, this second act is at least following only one story, and they are using the soundtrack to the film for all the musical interludes. MUCH easier to follow this way. My niece the "Hip Hop" Munchkin does a stunning job, delivering all her lines on cue and dancing very well with the two other "Hip Hop" munchkins:
Then the Cousin in Law shows up as the Scarecrow. Excellent work as the Scarecrow, I must say:
Then the story gets all weird, with a Tinwoman l(instead of the TinMan) looking like she is about to bust out with "I will Survive" in full voice:

And then the highlight of the evening appears. This 4th grade master actor doesn't simply come out in a lion costume and say his lines. NO. This kid IS a lion, and he stomps around the stage, growling and acting like a Barrymore:
So they are off to see the wizard, and of course the Wicked Witch shows up with her flying monkeys. I am not sure, but I am pretty sure the Monkey's "wings" were plastic tikki masks:
I suppose I should be relieved that none of the monkeys were actually on wires and pulleys, but honestly, I was kinda hoping to see some tragic Monkey, Toto, tree, Mama Bear and Pig crash drama at this point.
So I continue to photograph the action, and here comes the Wicked Witch's big death scene. No water, no fire, no castle, instead the 4th grade witch does some kind of death dance and sinks to the ground. What? No "What a world, what a world...who would of thought that a good little girl like you would be the end of all my beautiful wickedness"??? That's a great line, and it should not have been edited out!!So they meet the Wizard of Oz, who happens to be this tiny blond fourth grader with a green vest on. Suddenly this show takes a big leap and changes the ending a bit (the nerve!) and has Toto the dog suddenly stand up, yell at everyone that she is sick of this crap and she (Toto) knew all along that all the dumb Dorothy had to do was click her damn heels and end all of this.

Hmmm...I wish I had known that.

Anyway, the evening ends with tremendous applause for the kids efforts:
My niece taking her well earned bow:
The critic's reactions are already in...the Preschool set:

The kindergarten set:
The infantile critic seemed to like it:

Tough Crowd:

Some Cast Photos:

I handed my niece her "after show" flower and headed out the door:

I swear to god the parking lot had emptied in less than 5 minutes!

Kids and Chaplin

I am still in the throes of my Chaplin movie kick, and had the chance recently to show one of his best, "The Gold Rush", to four of my TEN niece and nephews. I feel it's vital to introduce kids to different art forms, but at the right age. Silent movies require kids to be able to concentrate on the screen. All four of the kids watching the movie fell into the 7-10 age range. The kids were still young enough to find the "fall on the ass" humor hysterical, and yet old enough to understand the "he can’t get a break" mentality of the drama.

Reaction to the film overall was great. They all inevitably asked the same questions though:

Why did everyone wear grey and black clothing back then?
How come they couldn't talk, but we can hear music?

Isn't a Tramp a bad thing?

After quickly explaining that color film wasn't invented, and neither was sound recording (and the music was played WITH the movie, like their CD's can do), I explained that a "Tramp" back then was a bum, not what they were thinking. Then I wondered how the hell these kids know what a "tramp" is today? But I digress...

It never ceases to amaze me how much children actually understand. We always underestimate their comprehension. They completely "got" that he was in love with that girl, and she was being a total bitch to him. They all felt bad for the Tramp when the girls never showed up for the New Year's Eve party. They never questioned what the characters were doing or why.

To follow are some of their favorite scenes, and their reactions to them:

The Tramp taking the easy route down the mountain:

They loved that this guy simply sat down and slid down the side of the mountain. No staying on a long ass trail and taking days to get somewhere. No, just sit down, slide and get it over with.


The Thanksgiving Meal consisting of one Boot, well done: The kids completely believed that The Tramp and Big Jim McKay were starving. They were appropriately disgusted to see a boot come out of the big pot on the stove. Then they were laughing out loud when The Tramp ate the shoelaces like spaghetti and sucked the shoe nails like juicy ribs. One of the 7 year olds even commented..."I hope I am never hungry enough to eat my brother's stinky shoe!"

Big Jim McKay wants some chicken, and the Tramp will have to suffice:

All four kids were amazed at just how chicken like The Tramp was. I must admit, Chaplin really looks and acts like a chicken. The two older kids thought it was a computer animation, and after I told them it was just a costume, they wanted to know if the chicken costume was still around for borrowing!

The Tramp entertaining his fantasy guests by making dinner rolls dance:

This is a rather famous scene, and I've always enjoyed it. I wasn't sure if the kids would get it until I heard one of them exclaim..."Dude is pretending the forks are his legs! That's cool!".

The house on the edge of the cliff:

This was the highlight of the film for all 4 kids. From the moment the house is seen on the edge, to the final climax of the scene, they were rolling. They couldn't get enough of the two guys trying to get out of the house before it fell into the crevasse. They loved watching these two grown men panic, argue and struggle to get the hell out of there!

The kids were clamoring for more after the film ended, so I showed "The Kid" and two of his shorts (Payday and A Dog's Life) to them.

So, don't underestimate a kid's ability to sit through a silent movie. Introduce them to these silent film masterpieces. It's well worth the effort.

Artwork and Valentines...

Valentine's Day came and went, and as I posted earlier, the cupcakes were a hit with all the niece and nephews. That night, I made the "supreme sacrifice" and babysat 3 of them while my sister and hubby hit the town for a couple of hours. I believe they ended the romantic evening by stopping off at Safeway on the way home. Anyway...

I show up for the evening laden down with cupcakes, a Chaplin movie and high hopes that the 7 month old will not cry the entire evening from teething. The older two had made Valentine's cards for me, and their artistic renderings are too good not to share.

First up, my seven year old nephew...he obviously appreciates when I doodle Dr Suessian type fish for him, so he reciprocated with the following cover:

Yes, that is a "merman" diving in among the fishes. Complete with copious amounts of back hair. I love it! His fishes are very similar to the ones I can draw! The inside of the card is even better:

The poem is, of course, a classic! The spelling, not so much. He is obviously getting ready for his upcoming birthday with the blatant buttering up!

Next up, my ten year old niece...she is going in for a "modern art" edge to the card, with the off centered mushrooms and multicolored sky effect. Knowing how much I love wearing black, she has rendered me as a black fairy on the mushroom:

It's a great, colorful card and I hang it up at work (along with merman!) Of course, the inside of the card is just as great:
Like her brother, she is thinking ahead to birthday gifts and buttering me up. Her poem is awesome, a classic take on the theme! Her spelling, not so classic. I am hugging and thanking them profusely when I notice the back of the one card:
First off, these two KNOW I am terrified of bees, so the bee drawing is very funny, in a sick way...then I see the pencil etching next to it! What is this!?!

Here is a photo of the artists with their little sis...who gave me nothing but a dirty diaper and cried during "The Gold Rush"!

PS...the kids LOVED Chaplin...more about that another time.

Strange things are afoot along the beach...

A few months ago, I blogged about my walking path along the beaches and mountains where I live. I even took photos along the way, and commented in the following photo how I was just waiting for someone to drop off the side of the cliffs:

Well, last night I show up to walk and cannot gain access to the beach or trails as someone either jumped or fell 500 feet to their death. Helicopter rescue and recovery was out there removing the body from somewhere along these cliffs:

Very sad if he jumped; I can't help but wonder if it was brought on by a recent layoff or foreclosure in his life. The Bay Area has been very hard hit with layoffs lately, including my own company. Of course, everyone knows that this area ranks the highest in the nation for foreclosures as well. I see the for sale signs everywhere, and they don't come down in a matter of weeks, as they did 4 or 5 years ago!

Howver, if it wasn't suicide....it was a very EXPECTED outcome if it was one of the many dumbasses I see climbing around the edges of those cliffs every weekend (see first photo!). What is it with people who very clearly see the edge of a cliff, and feel the need to get up close and personal with it? I saw this very same behavior at the Grand Canyon. People disregarding the signs (in all languages) telling them that certain death was awaiting them if they went any further off trail. I don't understand the compulsion to tempt death.

What's strange about the death last night is that it's the third one in as many months here, all within a mile of each other along this beach! This little place goes for decades with no drama, and then 3 deaths in a row?

My "Forensic Files" loving nature is curious! Of course I will be walking there again this weekend...

Cake Violence and Decorating Demons

I admit, I am no Martha Stewart. Hell, Betty Crocker is a genius next to my abilities in the kitchen! I do bake cakes though, which my family seems to enjoy when they are devouring them. No one dies. Same with my cookies. No complaints.

HOWEVER, the "cake violence" that took place the other night is just one example of why I take no delight in such culinary tasks. I start out innocently enough, with the requisite Betty Crocker cake mix, eggs, water and oil. I grease the pans...I set the timer...I wait.

I check on the cakes and notice they don’t seem to be "cooking"..merely expanding and bubbling. Hmm...I move the racks to another level and re-set the timer. I wait some more. THIS is what comes out of the oven some 45 minutes later:

What the hell??? I have made cakes in these molds before... I used the same "Betty Crocker Recipe" that has served me well in the past. Never has such a disgusting result occurred in my kitchen. I mean look at these things:

I can't present this "thing" to my mother! Happy Birthday, here is a lovely, lopsided, tumor ridden cake with raw dough inside. Gotta go now!

So, after much cursing and tossing of cake down the drain, I decide my only option is to try again with a different mold. SAME RESULT!!!

What the hell is going on here? I don't have time to test my oven to find out what gremlin is implanted and messing with my cakes! I am now also out of several things here:

Patience

Vegetable oil

Motivation

Cake mix

With my mothers birthday looming mere hours away, I decide to forget the cake idea, go back to the store and reload (uh, with supplies, not the gun!) and turn to cupcakes for salvation.

I don't know why, but this method of dividing the cake mix and baking cakes in separate little compartments goes smoothly. I then make the mistake of attempting to be all creative and "decorate" the cupcakes. I have loads of the following artistic supplies:

I don't know how those "fancy" cupcake people manage to decorate them without committing some sort of icing violence. I was so pissed by the end of the night I ended up tossing all the crap above and turning to sprinkles!

Here are the three "acceptable" cupcakes I ended up giving to my mother for her birthday. Lets just say I was so glad I had a Starbucks card for her as well!

The following night was Valentines Day eve...so to save money I decided to go all out and bake cupcakes for my 10 niece and nephews as well:

About 3 dozen cupcakes, ready to "decorate". Dear god, before that started again, I should have medicated myself! I may have saved money by baking cupcakes instead of purchasing bags of crappy candy and scented pencils and such, but the cost to my nerves was very high.

You'll notice in the following photo lots of easy toppings such a sprinkles and candy hearts. Yes, no stencils and no fancy icing anymore. Everyone has their limits, and mine had been reached!
As I delivered these cupcakes to the families, I heard no three year old bitch about the placement of the candy heart, or any 8 year old comment on lopsided cupcake shape. The baby didn't point out how crooked the lines were. I only heard squeals of delight as the smell of sugar and candy permeated their hearts. And a few thank you auntie's...so I call... SUCCESS!