Saturday, May 21, 2011

Does a Bear Care? Nor do I...

When I watch television, I try to locate programming that educates me, or at least has something useful to offer. Shows like:

Forensic Files - which educates me in ways to avoid being killed by people who seem normal and live, "quietly", nearby.

What Would You Do? - this educates me to be ever ready in a store or cafe for hidden cameras and John Quinones to pounce and ask me why I didn't help that old lady being beat up in the butter aisle.

American Pickers - which teaches me to never let two guys drive up to my house and offer me $20 for an antique I have, as they will then make about $400 from whatever antique that I gave them.

Hoarders - actually, I don't think I learn anything other than a new level of disgust from this show.

The Daily Show - this shows teaches me that all politicians are completely oblivious to the fact that what they say in public and to the public is recorded and can and will be used against them at a later time.

Turner Classic Movies - which is useful in showing me that at one point in time, good movies were being made.

I won't publicly admit to other shows I may watch "occasionally" - *cough* South Park *cough* - but I will say that overall, I do strive to watch intelligent programming.

However, intelligence takes a flying leap however whenever one of those annoying "Does a Bear s- - -t in the woods?" Charmin Bear commercials comes on:

Case in point:
First of all, bears can't read. Secondly, one person in the bathroom at a time, please.

Do we need to see pieces of toilet paper stuck to a bear's behind?
First of all, bears don't play football. Secondly, bears don't care what is stuck to their fur.

Do we need to see pieces of toilet paper getting scrubbed off?
First of all, bears don't have brooms. Secondly, I re-iterate, bears don't care what is stuck to their fur!
I dare you to introduce this bear to the joys of "non sticking" toilet paper:
During my travels on the internet to locate images of the Charmin Bears, I came across this disturbing application available to travelers worldwide:
Yes, the Charmin bears can help you locate places to "Sit or Squat". I don't want to know what defines a "sit" or "squat" spot.

I say it's high time we brought back Mr Whipple. Simple. Dignified. A bit obsessive about people squeezing his toilet paper? Yes, but you wouldn't catch him wiping a bears behind!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Really? Let's bring back the old pervy Mr. Whipple who basically stalked the toilet paper aisle leering at the women shoppers. Squeezing the package as he fantasized about getting his gnarled fingers on the female flesh. The bears are a bit less creepy although one of the dumbest ad vehicles. I half expect them to run into the Hamm's beer bear who could use some Charmin to wipe the drunken vomit remains from his fur.