"Sustainable" Gardening? For who?

"In the gardening justice system, there are two separate yet equally important groups: the farmers who attempt to sustain themselves with their planting efforts and the varmints who are the garden offenders. These are their stories."

July 5th - Evidence photo A - A full garden, brimming with sustainable, organic goods only Mother Nature can provide:

 Evidence Photo B - Fully formed radish:

Evidence Photo C - Flowering Peas on vine:

 Evidence Photo C - huge lettuce crops:

 Evidence Photo D - Pea crop on vines:

 Evidence Photo E - Artichoke crop:

On or about July 6-7, Farmer Jane Doe (hereafter referred to as VICTIM) was able to harvest some lettuce and radish crops, although not all crops went willingly to the table:

Victim prepared a "garden salad" on or about July 6-7 and was looking forward to a summer and fall of continued benefits from said "sustainable, organic garden":

On or about the night of July 8th or 9th, VICTIM discovered random destruction of artichoke crop:

 VICTIM attempted resuscitation efforts:

But finally had to accept the inevitable.  Artichoke crop was photographed posthaste to prove unworthiness of table:

On or about July 9-10th  - unknown perpetrators gained access to "sustainable, organic garden" and wreaked havoc to tops of sunflowers, kale, beets and lettuce plants:

On or about the same dates, KNOWN perpetrators (hereafter referred to as BASTARD GOPHERS) began savage, unwarranted and continuous attacks on "sustainable, organic garden":

 At this time, VICTIM considered strong measures:

 But wussed out and decided to remain organic:

VICTIM also attempted to elicit help from one "Killer Diller, kitty with no pity" - to no avail...Pea crops lost at this time:

VICTIM submits photograph below (Evidence photo F ) to show disparity between "organic produce" and lemons in same backyard:

 On or about July 14-15 - VICTIM discovers how BASTARD GOPHERS are gaining entry to "sustainable, organic garden":

In a pathetic attempt to stem further damages, VICTIM plants additional pea crop in clay planter:

VICTIM also implores "Killer Diller, kitty with no pity" to get the hell off the phone and get back to work:

The help is no help:

On or about July 19, VICTIM discovers another artichoke caper, with no evidence left at crime scene:

On or about July 20, VICTIM discovers the last artichoke plant was right (please notice placement of completely ineffectual Gopher alarms):

VICTIM applies fast thinking method and harvests last artichoke before it too is mercilessly dragged down the BASTARD GOPHER's portal of doom:

July 22 -Evidence Photo G - Sad, pathetic remains of "sustainable, organic garden"

I will say, the gophers, moles, squirrels, deer, slugs and snails were sustained nicely by this garden.  Me?  not so much.

On the other side of the garden, I was able to harvest a single tiny tomato and then the tomato plant went all "infertile" on me:

 A co-worker suggested a little "Q-tip" action might help the situation.  I figured I'd throw in some Barry White on the iPod and a little candlelight as well:

It worked!  Baby tomatoes are sprouting - how long before they, too, fall victim to KNOWN PERPETRATORS?

If this occurs, I am prepared to hire my own "Magnificent Seven" to protect the farming village behind the house: