Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Is your baby shiftless?

Do you have one of these lazy slugs laying around your house?
Sure, it's cute and all, but CAN IT READ?
Yes, you read that right. Can that 6 month old formula sucking, blanket chewing slug read Tolstoy? I saw an interesting infomercial the other day designed to get that slug up off its pampered behind and pick up a book already!
The product is aptly called "Your Baby Can Read!":
Now, I don't exactly agree with the whole "risk-free" claim, since there is nothing more dangerous than an informed infant. One day it's reading a "First Words" books, the next day your infant is giving you the evil eye as it reads the ingredients on the back of it's Gerber creamed carrots jar. Not cool.
I had no idea my nieces and nephews had such potential in their brief infancy. Of course, it's too late for some:
But this one still has potential. Sure, she should have started a couple of months ago, but she was busy:
Although she is already six months old, she can catch up!
See? she's only filled up 25-30% of her brain already! Please note, most of the "older babies" would only see an ice cream soda in the image above - not a "Your Baby can Read" graduate - they'd see three brains, two straws, percentages and red lines. The VERY smart baby would spot the 4th brain in the image as well.

Let's do a quick comparison here....here's an 18 month old "reader" -Evan:and my niece at 18 months....oh dear....this isn't good...
Let's try again...the 15 month old "reader" Gianna:
and my nephew at approximately the same age....oh dear....
Well, it's too late for them anyway. Parents have to start them off immediately in order to see any results. Is your infant crying because it's cold? Well, make them LEARN the word, then give them the blanket:
I am still debating whether or not to order this program for the youngest niece. By the time I make up my mind, I am sure her window of opportunity will have passed.
Oh well.


Anonymous said...

The other disadvantage of your kid learning to read early... when they read your journal notes about how you can't wait for them to turn 18, stop freeloading, and get the hell out of the house! Nothing says preying on parental fears of raising the village idiot than teaching your baby to read! The infomercial left out these other segments on the DVD: berating 101; chipping away at self-esteem; fragile psyches are for pussies; and phonics for the master race.

The Swamp Fox said...

Yes, but does it teach them ebonics?