Partying with the grammar school set

Just when I think...ahhh, no need to go to Target this week...Just when I think... I don't need to check the camera battery yet...Just when I think...a TWO day weekend is upon me...

Another kid birthday party sneaks up on me!

Yes, this time it was that rare and elusive animal known as a "nine year old boy":

These parties are SOOOOO much fun...let me tell you, there is nothing like watching a cousin dogpile:

or babies begging for handouts...

But there is also the chance to capture a Picasso in the making! This niece is 10 and also quite the artist!

Check out her finished product! Pretty cool:

and then it's back to the typical hilarity:

some Food Network worthy commentary:

Round about hour two...I broke out the animal model kits to settle them down for a bit:

after helping them tackle the task (note to self...do not purchase "simple" animal model kits again)...it was time for the birthday boy to attack the gift pile:

Some were more interested in other things...I WON'T SAY WHO:

Then the hardworking (remember, they have 4 kids!) parents presented the awesome baseball cupcake thingy:

and the appropriate response occurred:

all in all, a good time was had by all...that is...until they remembered school was just around the corner, and no more sleepovers would be happening for awhile:

Great Expectations: Lawns that much are expected of.

ob·ses·sion : a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.

Now, I don't consider myself an obsessive person, though others might. Sure, I like a clean house. Is it so wrong to make the bed each morning? Put away laundry while it's still warm? There's nothing wrong with a bit of concentrated effort now and then, I say.

And then there is what happens to humans who take on the task of "caring for the lawn". It starts with a little watering, some mowing here and there, and the occasional pulling of crabgrass. You don't care...it's just a lawn, right?

and then, it happens.

You are driving along the suburbs and begin to notice other people's lawns. You know...the GREEN ones. The ones with PERFECT LINES. The ones so LUSH and GREEN that you begin to feel a stirring of something way down deep. Something known as:

LAWN ENVY

This state of mind can only be altered after you have transformed YOUR lawn into the LUSH, GREEN, PERFECT ONE. The lawn people drive by and stare at enviously. It's sad, I know.

So, please don't judge me as I take you on my very personal journey. The journey began with me locating the following "miracle lawn products":

These two products GUARANTEED ME that I would see lush, green, strong blades of grass take over the pathetic bald patches and weed infested sections. I mean, what product sold on TV and in pharmacy garden aisles would lie??

and so I began the great experiment:

My excitement knew no bounds...I mean, look at the claims! GROWS ANYWHERE! FASTER! SEE HOW EASY IT IS! I couldn't wait for the 24-48 hours to pass to check on my first "crop":

WELL...needless to say...this is what I saw after TWO LONG WEEKS:

Experiment Section A: the Patch Perfect seeds (AKA "crack" grass):

Experiment Section B: The EZ seed (aka "crack" grass):

I tried to keep it together. I realized I had many, many situations working against me:

Huge old tree shading much of the lawn:

Gophers from hell:

a sample of the damage the gopher from hell was causing:

Please note how the gopher manages to tunnel RIGHT THROUGH the fresh seed area:

Disrespectful peeing birds:

skunks who loved nothing better than to find the BEST AREA of the lawn to scrape for grubs:

and of course, everyone's favorite midnight bandit:Knowing what I was up against, I set up Killer Diller as "Garden Warden":
I'll spare you the photos of the various gophers, mice, and moles that Killer Diller executed for crimes against the lawn.

And then I watered, and watered, and watered:

and a little while later...pathetic results began to surface:

The "patch perfect" grass never really took off - this is after 6 weeks!Even the birds were disappointed:

even the Garden Warden seemed a bit pissy about it:SOME areas did very well though, and the baby birds of the season were appreciative:

After 3 long months of watering, weeding, flashlight raids on marauding raccoons and skunks, having countless executed gophers and moles delivered to me and a bit of cursing thrown in for good measure...

The lawn began to respond!

My lawn envy has calmed a bit, and I no longer wish lawn disease, moles and crabgrass on innocent neighboring lawns. As much.I will add here that the lawn was NOT responding to Patch Perfect or EZ Grow. Oh no, those areas are still rather sparse. Twas water, sun and weeding that brought the life back to it. I want my $30 back, dang it!

Summertime, and the Weeding is easy - PART TWO

Summer, boredom and a yearn to feel paper money burning in their palms brought four young nephews knocking on the door, just dying to do some garden work. After agreeing to give them the same chance the nieces had, I let them in. Of course, I was immediately accosted with the following:

"What mall will you take us to this afternoon?"
"Is $20 all we get? The girls said they got $30" (this line Auntie did not fall for)
"How long do we have to work?"
"When do we eat?"
"I'm allergic to a certain kind of weed, and I swell up. I think you should know that."

This being summer by the sea, the boys had to bundle up to go out and get to their slave labor duties:
It didn't take long for them to start showing off their hard work:

and then, about 20 minutes in....the pain set in:

the discovery of insects took precedence over the weeds:

and the totally awesome fox tail stalks could no longer be ignored:

a brief interlude in which the boys took advantage of the stalks to brush up on their sword play:

and then it was back to work for an additional grueling 30 minutes:

Having filled the bin a whole 1/8 of the way up, the boys were now starving:

so I treated them to the same lunch the girls got:
then forced them back outside to endure more hard labor:

This little guy was literally "working his pants off":

And finally, after dozens of weeds had been pulled, and the lawn showed lins proving it had been mowed...my hard working nephews agreed to pose for a group shot:

the posing would have continued if Auntie hadn't finally turned off the camera!

After so much hard work, I was shocked they managed to have enough energy to drag themselves to the mall to spend their hard earned dough. They managed.