My issues with Target

Issue #1 - I innocently show up, list in hand, to get my Q-Tips and Dr Pepper. An hour later and down $250 bucks, I slink out, clutching overstuffed bags filled with scented candles, kitchen towels, melamine scroll plates that were a mere $2 a plate (8 plates of course), a shower curtain, Dr Pepper, some new shoes, a swell looking new filing cabinet, the new South Park DVD collection, 3 sets of Legos and no Q-tips!

Issue #2 - Apparently, Nebraska isn’t the only place people are abandoning their out of control children. Target is not a park! Those clothes racks are not jungle gyms, and the toy should be purchased BEFORE a child is allowed to fling it at his sister’s head. No, I don’t think your one year old is cute running around with a cat litter box on his head. I don’t think it’s amusing when your kid throws a ball into a light fixture, either. I did enjoy watching your kid fall flat on her face though. No, that wasn’t my cart that hit her, I swear.

Issue #3 - How did Target get away with designing aisles that fit no more than one cart at a time? I spend more time looking for a clear aisle I can maneuver into in order to get to the back section to go about 3 aisles North in order to go down the toothpaste aisle so I can get back into the Ziploc bag aisle going in the opposite direction and then maybe I will end up in the Q-Tip aisle in the right direction!

Issue #4 - I don’t need to start thinking about Christmas in August while purchasing school supplies. Easter is not on my mind in December when I am searching for candy canes and run into stacks of Peeps. And another thing, get rid of the Christmas CD Kiosk NOW...it’s a magnet for the abandoned children (mentioned above) who think it’s fun to continually switch the CD speaker from Alvin and the Chipmunks to Deck the Halls with Eminem.

Issue #5 - You have 26 checkout stands, right? ACTIVATE THEM.

Issue #6 - I forgot one more thing about the aisle design...what is with the need for that big column that takes up half the space in every other aisle?

Issue #7 - Who are these people who think it’s perfectly acceptable to simply stop walking, cart and all, in the middle of a main aisle? If you are that lost and simply want out of the whole Target experience, pull your cart over to the side of the aisle and cry there. Let the stronger ones pass! We have to get to the Q-Tip aisle, come hell or high water.

Issue #8 - This applies to Target stores that are connected to an opening into the main mall: Your "James Bond " method of keeping the Target carts in the Target stores and not in the mall seems cool. Until my Target cart locks up in the makeup section because of some invisible line I’ve crossed. And I’m not talking about the "I can wear that color eye shadow still, right?" line, either.

Issue #9 - Is it really necessary to have all the sample televisions on different channels? At top stereo sound? This is just wrong, and couple that with the fact that you have the video game kiosks set up next to them is just madness.

Issue #10 - Checkout clerks, please refrain from asking me "did you find everything you needed?". This question will undoubtedly cause me to remember the Q-Tips and I will then be forced to re-enter the madness and start all over again.