Magazines of Yore supply laughs today

I have quite a collection of 1930's and early 1940's movie magazines. They are fun to meander through, reading all about the "scandalous behaviour" of the stars. Who's with who, and who is left behind. Very Brad, Angelina and Jennifer...with better clothes.

(Beauty isn't Important, says Joan Crawford, wearing 8 pounds of pancake makeup, 2 pounds of eyelashes and about a 1/4 pound of lip rouge)

I've photographed the best of the advertisements that I've run across, for your viewing pleasure.

Here's some tips on how to remove your makeup without, uh, actually removing your makeup.

Umm, why do we need to wake up bile? Do we still have this body part? Is it necessary to wake it up?

HAHAHAHAHAHA - This is obviously not a home available in the SF Bay Area. Yes, that price has only 5 numbers in it...$3,245.

The phone don't ring cause you smell, lady.

I don't even know this bitch and I hate her. WHO NEEDS TO PUT POUNDS ON?

This husband is about to tell his wife that their marriage is failing due to her not utilizing LYSOL as a feminine hygiene product. Now, I am all for stretching the household dollar, but double duty Lysol is going too far.

Umm, this woman is NOT in a horror movie. She is merely getting a perm. Take a moment and thank God for advances in science and beauty treatments.

I like this because the dress is described as an "afternoon tea" outfit. I think I shall whip something like this out next time I take a break at work.

These bastards won't go out with Sally cause...yes, you guessed it, she SMELLS.

This advertisement intrigues me. It's merely Chase Bank telling us how many assets they have and where they are. It's from 1938. Maybe we should start asking banks to advertise like this again!

OK, this one is a favorite. I found this in the back of a 1940's magazine. It's basically Joan Crawford writing a letter to her fans to brag about HOW SHE BEATS HER KIDS. She talks about how strict she is, and how Christina missed a party for some other Hollywood brat because Joan "didn't like her attitude" that day. She also mentions her credo.."spare the rod and spoil the child". She doesn't mention wire hangers, though. Who writes an open letter about this to people??? Joan Crawford, that's who.

Here's that skinny bitch again, complaining about how she HAD to GAIN weight to get a man. God, I hate her.

Yeah, I think I'll pass. When your mac and cheese resembles a bomb...you've overdone the simplicity of the meal.

Oh look! Jon and Kate, plus their eight, should be jealous. They weren't the first ones to come up with the idea of selling their children to curious onlookers for dough. And these 5 girls were identical! Not one of Jon and Kate's kids actually match.

I like this movie ad for it's tag line: "Trapped in the Hell of Modern Life!" Sigh. Some things never change.
Isn't this the beer that Laverne and Shirley were bottling? I didn't think Schlitz Beer could ever be considered classy.

Here we go again with the marriage problems and it's one savior, Lysol.

What a bunch of bitches! Damn, people.

Let's file this advertisement under...Catch Phrases no longer in use today.

Why should the "Plain Girl" smile, you ask? Well, she doesn't smell. At least her teeth are clean and she has a shot of landing a man.

Oh good lord...I want to know who thought Lysol was a good idea???

Hmmm, "UNOBESE" - what an attractive name for the pills.

Oh look, no need for a big ass bottle of UNOBESE pills sticking out of your purse...they don't exactly explain HOW to lose it without dieting however.

One more Lysol moment, just for laughs.

and finally:

This guy claims to have the answer...in limited quantities however.

A Mere Cloud or a Message of Doom? You Decide.

I was out and about Tuesday night of this week, walking and such, in the staggering heat mind you, and I notice the following cloud formation above me.

Just in case it was some kind of "end of days" cloud thing, I thought I better get a photo of it:

As the hot ass day from hell came to a close, the thing got even creepier looking: I looked around to see if there were any other signs of Armageddon. Since no locusts or pestilence seemed nearby, I continued to photograph it:
The color was quite impressive, reminding me of flames of hell. Not that I've been there. Close though, in Target on evening among holiday shoppers with no direction in life other than to interrupt mine. But I digress:

The End of Days was apparently not scheduled for Tuesday, as the cloud dissipated as the sun set:And...by the next morning the heat wave was officially OVER and it was back to our typical 50 degree mornings.

Random Photos on a Raging Hot Day

I received my tax return from "the man":To make it more exciting, I thought I would turn it into coins to make the amount appear larger. Above lies the $38.00 the state gave me. I had to pay the feds $35.00 so my 2008 profit stands at:

$3.00

So with this outstanding sum simply burning in my pocket, I thought...why be responsible and save it, or invest it? NO, damn it! I decided to irresponsibly spend it all in one place:

For $2.99 I bought this lovely plant at Ace Hardware. I know, you are thinking...how could she simply spend that tax return all in one purchase??? Well I did and I don't care. This plant is known as a Daisy Spoon...see the petals? Interesting, I thought. And, if the plant dies, I am still one cent ahead.

Last night, while watching City Lights on TCM, I discovered that the cat is a fan of Chaplin films as well: The cat is NOT a fan of fingers too closely holding a cat toy:

Lesson Learned: Drop cat toy faster.

That's enough blogging for this hellaciously hot April day here in the Bay Area:

Surviving Easter

One of the pleasures of dying eggs without kids around is being able to test out all those "awesome" dye kits, without the drama of spilled dye, cracked eggs and tears:Well, no tears anyway.
A quick review of the kits purchased:

PAAS "Chalked up" - SUCKED

DUDLEYS "Tattooed Fun" - MEH

Hannah Montana "Shrink Wrap" - FAST AND EASY (like her)

PAAS "Sparkling Glitter"- SUCKED

Star Wars "Shrink Wrap" - FAST AND EASY (like Yoda)

DUDLEYS "Roll it on Dye" - SUCKED MAJOR

For Holiday television entertainment while you dye eggs, there are many religious movie offerings. Movies like "King of Kings", "Ben Hur", or "The Ten Commandments".

Or you can choose to watch....

This is a movie no card carrying member of PETA would ever see. The premise is simple - Giant Bunnies are invading a town and they are ravenously killing every man, woman, child, dog, cat or cow in sight. Yes, cows.

While watching the flesh eating rabbits massacre the inhabitants of the small town, I was simultaneously attempting to use the Dudley's Roll and Dye kit. NEVER AGAIN.

What ass at the Dudley's Corporation thought this was a good idea? Can you imagine a 5 year old attempting this?

Then the Glitter Paint Kit. NEVER AGAIN.

This crap NEVER dried.

Occasionally I would look up to see what the bunnies were up to:

They are about to devour some cows, I believe. Those bunnies were hungry.

...and then back to the egg dying:

PAAS dye tablets -the ONLY way to color eggs, people.

Then back to the murderous giant bunnies:
and finally, after suffering through rolling, tattooing, and painting...the eggs are done:
Apparently, so were the bunnies:

The only way to kill giant terrorizing bunnies is to make them all run towards the railroad tracks, then electrocute them. Interesting.

The next day I prepared the 10 Easter Baskets. Here are the majority of them. Some were delivered early, so the full extent of the room this crap takes up in my tiny house can not be fully appreciated:

Eggs - Before the massacre:

...and after:

Finally Easter morning dawns bright and, uh...cold and foggy.

A first egg hunt:

Some random nieces and nephews awaiting their Easter baskets:
And a final image after all the egg hunting and basket devouring is completed: