Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Magazines of Yore supply laughs today

I have quite a collection of 1930's and early 1940's movie magazines. They are fun to meander through, reading all about the "scandalous behaviour" of the stars. Who's with who, and who is left behind. Very Brad, Angelina and Jennifer...with better clothes.

(Beauty isn't Important, says Joan Crawford, wearing 8 pounds of pancake makeup, 2 pounds of eyelashes and about a 1/4 pound of lip rouge)

I've photographed the best of the advertisements that I've run across, for your viewing pleasure.
Here's some tips on how to remove your makeup without, uh, actually removing your makeup.
Umm, why do we need to wake up bile? Do we still have this body part? Is it necessary to wake it up?

HAHAHAHAHAHA - This is obviously not a home available in the SF Bay Area. Yes, that price has only 5 numbers in it...$3,245.

The phone don't ring cause you smell, lady.

I don't even know this bitch and I hate her. WHO NEEDS TO PUT POUNDS ON?

This husband is about to tell his wife that their marriage is failing due to her not utilizing LYSOL as a feminine hygiene product. Now, I am all for stretching the household dollar, but double duty Lysol is going too far.

Umm, this woman is NOT in a horror movie. She is merely getting a perm. Take a moment and thank God for advances in science and beauty treatments.

I like this because the dress is described as an "afternoon tea" outfit. I think I shall whip something like this out next time I take a break at work.

These bastards won't go out with Sally cause...yes, you guessed it, she SMELLS.

This advertisement intrigues me. It's merely Chase Bank telling us how many assets they have and where they are. It's from 1938. Maybe we should start asking banks to advertise like this again!

OK, this one is a favorite. I found this in the back of a 1940's magazine. It's basically Joan Crawford writing a letter to her fans to brag about HOW SHE BEATS HER KIDS. She talks about how strict she is, and how Christina missed a party for some other Hollywood brat because Joan "didn't like her attitude" that day. She also mentions her credo.."spare the rod and spoil the child". She doesn't mention wire hangers, though. Who writes an open letter about this to people??? Joan Crawford, that's who.

Here's that skinny bitch again, complaining about how she HAD to GAIN weight to get a man. God, I hate her.

Yeah, I think I'll pass. When your mac and cheese resembles a bomb...you've overdone the simplicity of the meal.

Oh look! Jon and Kate, plus their eight, should be jealous. They weren't the first ones to come up with the idea of selling their children to curious onlookers for dough. And these 5 girls were identical! Not one of Jon and Kate's kids actually match.
I like this movie ad for it's tag line: "Trapped in the Hell of Modern Life!" Sigh. Some things never change.
Isn't this the beer that Laverne and Shirley were bottling? I didn't think Schlitz Beer could ever be considered classy.

Here we go again with the marriage problems and it's one savior, Lysol.

What a bunch of bitches! Damn, people.

Let's file this advertisement under...Catch Phrases no longer in use today.

Why should the "Plain Girl" smile, you ask? Well, she doesn't smell. At least her teeth are clean and she has a shot of landing a man.

Oh good lord...I want to know who thought Lysol was a good idea???

Hmmm, "UNOBESE" - what an attractive name for the pills.

Oh look, no need for a big ass bottle of UNOBESE pills sticking out of your purse...they don't exactly explain HOW to lose it without dieting however.

One more Lysol moment, just for laughs.
and finally:

This guy claims to have the answer...in limited quantities however.

1 comment:

The Swamp Fox said...

I'm confused. First I'm too skinny, then I'm too fat, and you want me to use Lysol where???